Matt says that the post below is “in the realm of confusing…but in this case it’s very okay.”
I decided that I tend to spend a great deal of time in that realm, and it makes life much better if I invite you to join me in it every now and then, so I hope you will enter and enjoy your time spent there 
Or at least laugh a little at my insanity Peace out. That is all.
I have been thinking many many things today, and I attempted to make sense of them earlier, but this was all that came out. So, my apologies, but here it is:
I think that I crave complexity. By that I do not mean that I crave drama. Real, deep, thoughtful complexity is a bit dramatic I suppose, but there is so much more to it than that. I think. Do I just crave the drama? I am not very good at making simplicity authentic. I feel like simplicity is often based in assumptions, and when I let myself live in assumptions I am not real. On the other hand, sometimes just stepping back from the chaos and seeing the simplicity and vastness of a God who is in control brings healing and depth that is unlike anything complex. Its simplicity is actually rather complex in itself. I think this has been my problem with being so critical of churches lately. It seems so simple. Sometimes it almost seems monotonous to me. Is it okay that I just said that? I hope that doesn’t sound like I think I am better than everyone else. There can be great depth in simplicity, and I don’t want to demote the authenticity of the people for whom “church” (whatever that means) is authentic and deep. It can be deep for me too, but it still seems to just touch the surface of life and truth sometimes, and I don’t know how to get past that.
But, then what is complexity? What does it look like? If I crave it, how do I get it? Sometimes life seems so full of the useless, overdramatic complexity that gets us nowhere, so how do we find real, authentic, deep complexity? I think there is danger in labeling it too. I don’t want to search for complexity and then find things and say “Look! This is complex, this is what I need!” That would be ridiculous. That would lose the purpose of my searching for complexity. Then what am I searching for? Is it truth again? Is truth naturally complex and therefore that is why I crave complexity? Is it because I crave truth?
Maybe I need simplicity. Maybe I crave complexity, but what I really need to do is return to the roots of what I believe and find challenge and transformation there. Maybe I think I need the complexity for growth, but in trying to find the complexity I have merely taken the simplicity (which is, in fact, rather complex in itself) for granted.
So, I don’t know if that makes sense or not, but I promised Chelsea I would post it, so there it is
